I think it's important to acknowledge this as I was reading something today from a near death experiencer about this subject matter and I thought I'd create a post on it. Life can be so tough sometimes for some, that they want out. I just want to say that I empathize with those who might be going through this from my past experiences and my deepest love goes out to you. Here's my experience as candid as it can be:
Back in 2007-2008, I started developing chronic fatigue and fibromyalgia, literally out of no where (later, I learned of the cause and effect of stress on my body as the contributing factor). I was your average American 26 year old (whatever that means) prior to this. I partied a lot, ate the standard american diet, was always dating someone new and most of all, stressed a LOT about anything and everything. I got sick and my life changed. I didn't know what was wrong with me. I couldn't comprehend how I could not do the things I used to do (drinking a lot, partying, other stuff). I missed my college days desperately as I had so much fun in college. I became very depressed and angry with the stress of searching what was wrong me that I started thinking it would be easier if I stopped existing. I never had a plan nor did I ever truly think I would ever do it. But, the thoughts crept in my head when flare ups would happen. I was also in a bad place occupation wise at a job with not such a great environment, making minimum wage. I couldn't deal with the stress anymore of life. This only happened between 2007-2008. After that, these thoughts never came back.
Well, as it turned out, I discovered meditation around 2008-2009 and my life changed. It helped me to become more and more and more present.
The meditation book that really got me started was 'Meditation, now or never' by Steve Hagen who is an American Buddhist Monk.
What I learned from those darkest years of my life was a large factor of resistance. We are waiting for something good to happen, while desperately hoping the 'bad' part of our experience goes away. I kept holding on to an image of my previous life in college where I was free to do whatever I wanted to do. I had all of the friends in the world, girlfriends, drunk nights and such wild experiences, that the thought of having to change my lifestyle made me so depressed, that I couldn't even face the reality of that. My depression was from resistance of my current situation.
As Eckhart Tolle is quoted as saying- "If you are stuck in the mud somewhere, you don’t say, “Okay, I am in the mud, I have to accept it, and here I am - I’m not taking any action because I have to accept what is”. This moment is already always as it is, and there’s nothing you can do about that. That’s what you accept. Then, action that arises has a different energy to it. The will that flows into what you do is no longer egoic. When you have not accepted this moment, the will goes against the Universe – that is what the ego does. It is negative, it fights something that it says shouldn't be there. If you use negativity, you are trapped in ego."
Meaning, you first have to accept....the reality of What IS. Once you can accept and be in love with What IS, you can then take action to improve your quality of life.
I was reading a report today from Nanci Danison who sends me email newsletters from her site. She is a near death survivor. She talked in this newsletter about suicide. Ultimately, from the greater perspective of Being, suicide is not a bad thing and is not looked down upon. However, apparently, we come into this life with certain purposes and we pre-plan exit strategies ourselves prior to incarnation! Go figure! If you consider that we are merely Awareness itself incarnated into human bodies, then this life that we experience is merely a virtual reality game. It's not as real as it seems folks, but it is very real for the subjective experience of each of us.
There is nothing that is ultimately that serious in the large scheme of things that is worth killing yourself over, from the greater totality of Being. Only from our limited perspectives, do we think in such a way of life and death. Consider that at the end of this human life, you will shed this costume (physical body) and wake up from the dream of human physicality and embrace and remember who you truly are as an Eternal Being of Love and Light merely as an aspect of the one Source Being. No more fears, no more anything. Only Love. This human experience will seem like a vast dream once you enter the after life. The amnesia will wear off and we will remember everything and have complete access to all Universal knowledge. You'll smack yourself in the head (which won't exist) and think....oh yeah, now I remember! You'll wonder how physical life could ever have fooled you, in the way it has.
Life's purpose in physicality, in my opinion, is the experience itself and the growth in understanding that Love is all that matters. There is nothing else here to experience, but Love, Love, Love. You have a chronic disease? Accept it with Love. Are you grieving for a close friend or a family member that passed? Allow yourself to grieve. Feel the emotions fully. Embrace the emotions of sadness and depression. Let them flow for as long as they need. Embrace that pit in your abdomen with Love. Is life becoming too much for you? Embrace those thoughts with Love and allow them to be there.
Start to look at life from a different perspective, even if you have to fake it first. Understand that you are loved by all other Light Being perspectives and that they are looking after you here in this life, even if you are clueless to their existence. You have wonderful Beings of Light friends (closer friends than you can ever imagine) waiting for you when this life ends. Waiting to hear you express what it was like to be a human for a lifetime. Understand that human life is not meant to be taken as seriously as you think. Start to view your negative experiences, merely as opportunities for you to Be Love in the seemingly toughest of times.
Understand that I love you more than you can know and there is only Love in this Universe, even when it seems that there is not. So get off the ledge and go have a laugh somewhere, because once your life is over, you won't be able to go back into physicality and express the Love that you are, to the people closest to you. Make a difference now and Be Love. Look at every situation and question whether or not you are acting from fear or Love.
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