Vacation fun

Exactly one year ago, I was closing out one of the strangest vacations I ever took. I was on a cruise to the Bahamas with my family. Fun trip. Lots of warm weather, awesome beaches and spending time with family was a blast. Watching the pitch black ocean at night all alone was really breath taking. The trip was strange because I spent such a good portion of the trip completely alone as my family retired early each evening and I chose to walk around and try to mingle with other people since I had my own cabin.

The boat was largely catered to the night life scene, yet the majority of the people on the boat were couples or families. I felt very lonely on the trip at certain points, especially at night, and very much missing being home and largely missing the company of other people. But, yet what I realized as the cause of my loneliness was the resisting of 'the uncomfortable'. Being alone on the ship was merely a metaphor in a way to something 'outside of my comfort zone' and the easy way out would have been to have people surrounding me that I was comfortable with. Yet, the experience I received at the time was exactly the experience I needed. I needed to be uncomfortable as a form of introspection to see the part of myself I chose to keep in the dark. Some call this Shadow work which a friend recently brought to my attention this past week. As I've mentioned previously in other posts, relating in any way, is a form of reflection. We awaken through our experiences and see more and more about ourselves when there is something to reflect on. 

Going out by myself to a night club on the ship involving dancing and realizing how incredibly uncomfortable I was in that atmosphere (as a fear of how silly I would look dancing by myself) awakened me to a side of my self that I have chosen to hide for so long. My insecurities really showed on the ship and it was a wonderful thing to have myself being put in such a vulnerable position and having to learn to embrace that. Over the years, I tend to stray away from the uncomfortable in place of only facing the comfortable. I stayed in my comfort zone and only looked for experiences that matched that. Even when I feel physically ill, I would always be looking for the next 'feel good' experience, not allowing for or embracing the fact that I was not feeling good at the moment. I was resisting such a vast part of my experience, simply because I didn't understand it.

Some people I believe stay in their comfort zones because of fear of the dark side. The more and more open and honest I have become with myself involving others and with my own experience, that dark side has become illuminated by the light of my embrace and the more free I feel in that there is nothing in my experience that is not a part of me....including the uncomfortable experiences which no longer seem as dark as they used to. Yes, they can be very difficult to deal with, but facing and most of all embracing the part of us that we feel uncomfortable is a sign that we were previously resisting aspects of ourselves and that is truly enlightenment.