Transformational Dance

Last night I went to a "Transformational Dance" meetup group in Manhattan. Transformational Dance is essentially a form of 'ecstatic' dance which I'll explain more about.

Considering the first train I was supposed to catch was cancelled due to track work, I had to take a later train a half an hour later, which meant I was going to be late for the event. I was already a bit nervous and unsure of what to expect from this event, yet excited. Therefore, I didn't want to come in late and potentially miss mingling with people and missing out on anything early on during the event.

I arrived about 15 minutes late. When I entered into the event room, everyone was doing a form of stretching/letting loose exercises and making very strange "release" sounds. Understand that I had no idea how to dress for this event. Therefore, I wore jeans stupidly, while everyone was dressed down, including some people wearing pajamas. Therefore, it made it a little difficult to do the stretching exercises with jeans on. Regardless, the exercises involved crawling on the ground, and making any kind of noises we felt like making including growling noises or animal like noises. I was kind of "thrown" into the fire immediately after arriving late, so I was bit uncomfortable crawling around the floor and making cat noises into people's faces at first, but with so much laughing going on with all of us, it made it so much more fun.

Then, we started dancing. This type of dancing does not involve any prior knowledge with choreography or even rhythm. It's a form of ecstatic dance, which means, freely expressing yourself around the dance floor while music is playing in the background. There is no thought involved. It's strictly movement by feeling. It was so incredible and empowering, to be able to move around with other people on the dance floor, each of us doing our own thing, going in crazy directions, with no judgment at all. Incredible does not even describe it. I felt strong emotions surfacing with the combination of expression and music playing in the background. Some other dance exercises involved dancing with partners. I even danced with another man! It was beautiful. A little strange, but such a warm feeling of love from each person to each other.

We then had to find a partner and ask the partner if they had any injuries. I found a female partner for this. Then, we proceeded to help 'loosen' each other physically by gently moving random parts of each other's bodies (completely non sexual). So, basically, arms, legs, neck and slowly glide the person on the back, along the floor. Very relaxing, if you don't think too much. I found this to be a bit awkward, when I was the one who was being 'loosened'. First of all, I have a hard time letting go in the first place, especially feeling pressured to let go with another person standing right next to me! I wasn't sure whether to make eye contact with her either. She was a nice woman and neither of us knew very well what we were 'supposed' to be doing to be honest. So, I found the eye contact part made me very tense as my muscles tightened up instead of loosening, and I kept looking away as dancing with a female partner completely platonically for some reason felt very weird for me to make strict eye contact for extended periods of time and I realize this is likely a result of my own conditioning and a belief that eye contact implies 'sexuality'. She had very powerful blue eyes as well. Something I took notice of with myself within my body, and will continue to be aware of in the future. I noticed that when I am sexually interested in a girl, I can make extended eye contact for long periods of time un-interrupted and I will often be the one to initiate it! However, when it's platonic, I at times, feel a little awkward making extended eye contact with people. There is a 'gazing' event through a similar meetup organization that I plan on taking part in, in mid October.

Anyway, the event was incredible. We did a number of other dance sessions which were a lot of fun and the night ended with us receiving and giving reiki to each other. I only received and did not give because I did not have a partner at that point and the organizer was the one who performed reiki on me, but it was very relaxing.

I made a couple of friendly connections. The re-lating aspect even with the few men that were there, was nothing I had ever experienced. It went from "tense" to "freeing" by the end of the night to be able to interact with other men in a loving connected platonic way.....without judgment most of all.

I definitely plan on going to another transformational dance event in the future. It's a wonderful stepping stone as part of a spiritual practice of truly feeling your self authentically and bringing that out to connect with other people.

Spirituality is all about authenticity. All of the other stuff is irrelevant. A true spiritual practice is one where we go within ourselves and allow who we truly are to Be. A good portion of my life was lived in ego, in manipulating others and in fear. Much of my interactions were based on the notion of 'hiding who I was' so that they wouldn't 'discover me'. I would always sit in the back of the classroom out of fear of being seen by others. I wanted so badly to fit in, that I put on an act for so long to hide who I truly was out of fear of rejection.

These types of events get you to most importantly FACE those fears inside of yourself and make them conscious so that you can love them and embrace them. Truly facing your fears means to LOVE every aspect of yourself and embrace those aspects non judgmentally.

I feel I have anxiety still in my life relating to certain issues largely with sleep, but I feel I'm finally on a true spiritual path as nothing else matters to me now other than Being who I truly AM authentically.

Longing for Fire

All I Am held down inside

All I Am was hidden

The echoing fear of what I'd find

if all would be forgiven

Thoughts arising of what they'd think

If this child's shell would break

An explosive Love so on the brink

A Love to soothe all aches

My skin so crawling with desire

My outsides wearing thin

The appearance just a mere attire

of a Light that burns within

So pale and cold, I wandered through

So destitute of Love

When oh when would I break on through

to the truth I am Above?

I wandered through this plastic wasteland

a comfort zone of pride

A plethora of changing masks

to hide all that I was inside 

This burning Love I long to show

to all I within my stride

Oh how oh how could they ever know?

if I'm hidden by my pride

I search and search to only fail

I'm bounded by my mind

This fire burns to no avail

oh Heaven where do I find?

Suddenly, the light appears

all appears so Bright

this Love I Am shines oh so clear

all held within this Light

The walls of fear come falling down

The walls that held me back

All the chains that kept me bound

That all expressed such Lack

This Burning flows so mightily

I Am here for all to see

All that's left is authenticity 

I finally found the key

All of me, I share with you

This fire expressed within

to be all I AM all the way through

Love is where it all Begins.

A poem I wrote about my awakening process which is still on-going. 

With Love

My Meditation

I've had some stress on and off over the past few months over noise in my apartment. My downstairs neighbor's TV is heard at random times in my living room. I live on the top floor of a six story apartment building. The walls are shit here, which means I can hear my down stairs neighbor when he coughs and he can hear me when I fart. While it does not keep me up at night (his TV that is), I find it irritating that I have to listen to his TV in my living room. When I'm sitting in my living room trying to meditate, or relax, it's very distracting to have to listen to the rumblings and mumbling of his TV. Part of the problem I find is the acoustics of the apartment are terrible. So, I don't know what can actually be done other than putting my AC for now and blocking it out.

So, I decided to go outside. It's a beautiful evening. Gorgeous sunset outside and there is quite a lovely breeze and some humidity. Very summery feel to the evening. I sense tension in my abdomen at the thought of having to go back upstairs to my apartment and listen to my neighbor's TV.

I sit on the park bench and face traffic intentionally to put myself in a more vulnerable position. I close my eyes. Everything hits me. Fear. My eyes are shaking as I sit and feel cars go by watching me and possibly questioning why there is a guy sitting on a bench with his eyes closed. I feel people around me possibly making fun. My eyes still stay shut and feel this in my body and simply allow those thoughts to be. The thoughts come a plenty, the feelings of worry, self conscious, and fear arise, the mind wanting to open the eyes to 'appear normal' comes through as a thought and a feeling of tension. My eyes remain shut and I continue to watch and feel and simply allow all that is to arise. This only takes 5-10 minutes. What an incredible experience, when I don't give in to those feelings! I felt much more freer and comfortable after this meditation and will do this again tomorrow.

The hard part of meditation for me is not giving in to the mind's demands to want to 'stop'. There are a gazillion reasons to listen to a thought....any thought...those reasons....are made out of thought....but only one reason to continue to meditate and that reason has no thought behind it.

What is Vulnerability?

I've been thinking recently. What exactly is vulnerability? My perspective since I started this blog is starting shift a lot from my earlier posts.

I notice within myself that at times, I want to make people like me and in turn, I will at times resort to a tactic of fear, in that I will not open up honestly to that person and instead think about what that person wants to hear. Much more so in the past than the present, but it still happens at times. There could be a plethora of reasons that I want someone to like me. Perhaps, I am trying to attain something from that person, whether it be security, a temporary feeling of 'being wanted' or a distraction to something else going on in my life that I don't want to face and in turn, desperate to gain the love from another. One of the reasons energetically that I became physically sick in the first place.

Yet, vulnerability allows me to be scared. It allows my fears to fully surface and be there for everyone to see. No insurance, no security, just me, flaws and all for the world to see. But, it's honesty that's so important in our re-lating to one another. Fear is ok too of course. But, fear truly does restrict and contract consciousness if projected outward. I find with myself, when I am authentic to another person, it means that I am willing to risk having that person run away from me after learning more about me, my past and all, just to Be as I am to that person. Where are my intentions? With love, they are to fully express me, as I already am. With fear, they are to make that person like me. What's the choice going to be? Honesty is the highest form of love. My chakras open the more expressive I am through honesty.

I've been a control freak for too much of my life. I went to an 'out of body experience' seminar tonight in Manhattan and the man leading it told me that the problem holding me back from self induced astral projection is that I am trying too much to control. (Shocker). It's funny because I found that astral projection has been a form of learning for me to understand my fears more so. It's taught me already the true meaning of 'letting go'. You can't go out of your body unless you let go. You can't sleep at night, unless you let go. You can't align with your nature, unless you let go. How do you let go? Surrender.

With Love

An Enlightening NDE

One of the most profound, enlightening things I have ever read. A good friend shared this with me today. I would imagine that this is what true Enlightenment is. This gave me incredible chills.

Read and enjoy:

Profound NDE

Silent Lucidity

Have been listening to this song for decades. Never realized the spiritual undertones of this song until now. The lyrics move me to tears every time I hear it now because I can relate to it. It's about spiritual awakening and lucid dreaming. I've been lucid dreaming and going out of body now and going out of body is all about letting go and allowing your fear to be there.

The earth realm being a 'place where you learn to face your fears'. Re-incarnation in 'retrace the years'. "Relax child, you were there, but only didn't realize"-means we all come from the same 'place' of Love, but we all forget when we incarnate here. The singer is taking the position of a spirit guide, guiding someone. I'm learning to face my fears and it's so painful for me, but I realize it's a gift to come here and heal and learn about myself.

 Queensryche-Silent Lucidity.

"There's a place I like to hide
A doorway that I run through in the night
Relax child, you were there
But, only didn't realize, and you were scared
It's a place where you will learn
to face your fears, retrace the years
And ride the whims of the mind
Commanding in another world
Suddenly, you hear and see
This magic new dimension"

Love to all

Everything is always OK

I've felt lost lately. I've had sleep anxiety. There's just been a lot of confusion in my life over the past couple of weeks energetically which has reached its peak today, with no cause at all seemingly and yet many causes seemingly. I've been trying and trying and trying to find my way home and out of this internal struggle in my mind and the more I try, the more lost I am inside of my mind. The deeper into despair and anxiety I feel. Where am I going? What am I doing here? How am I going to heal this? How can everything be ok when I feel this way? Which is the right path? There are too many options to choose from. How will I get by? I've been trying so hard to connect with my higher self that I forgot that....in the trying and trying and trying to find the answers and connect to the higher ME, I've been actually counterproductive to what I truly am because the more you try, the more you resist the Eternal Now. Accepting my feelings of despair, confusion and being lost and allowing them to be as they are tonight, has allowed me to find love and peace now in these transient energy forms of feelings and emotions. I still feel sad and lonely tonight as a result of my anxiety of late, but it's ok that I do now which has such a different context than adding that additional layer of 'why, why why'.

My feelings have dictated to me that something has been off in my life for a while now and I've taken notice to that and become aware that something has not felt right, but have not been able to accept those feelings because I've been looking within my mind for answers to them and when you do that, you go further and further down the rabbit hole. The mind can be an incredibly effective tool. Yet, sometimes, it's so much easier to simply sit back, relax and accept the present moment as it is. Meaning, no matter how you feel and no matter how difficult life seems, no matter what emotions arise, no matter what physical sensations arise, you are not merely that. You are the Eternal Now, the higher Self, all the Selves in which all of this arises and while the story that I believe myself to be can be harmed and can be hurt and can make me break down, that which I truly am (Now) can never be harmed because I am not the story of my mind.

All is always OK, until I believe that it is not. And I'll be lost again at some point, but just like meditation, you bring yourself back to the present moment.

With Love always

I AM....that....I AM

I had a wave of insight today that came through and I know this will sound similar to my older posts, but I need to write this down before I lose it. Writing in my blog is a form of channeling from my higher self at certain points, when I receive waves of insight in connecting with my higher self. Caffeine helps too I find. I don't know why.

I AM.....is all there is. Therefore, what am I? I AM.....that I AM. There is much to illuminate in physical reality. Yet, what is unknown from this perspective of Being, is merely just that....unknown. Unknown does not mean non-existent. Illuminating the unknown is how our experience works in physicality. Through this physical body/mind, there is no experiential knowledge of an ant crawling outside. Therefore, that ant, is unknown to this vehicle of Being. That ant is utter darkness as per the perspective of this body/mind. When this body/mind illuminates that ant, that ant is now known, to this very body/mind!

Therefore, experience works this way. I AM is ultimately God and all that is. Everything is God. Everything is I AM already from the higher, higher perspective of Being. A grain of sand is already I AM, because it merely just IS. However, experience, is I AM knowing itself, learning about itself, and growing and evolving, through each different unique vehicle. Again, ultimately, all is already known by I AM, because each aspect of reality makes up the entire whole from the highest perspective possible. However, each individual, unique exploratory vehicle can only know one thing at a time. So, even though, all is already known as I AM, from the greatest perspective, what we are doing here is, I AM experientially gaining that knowing through our own experience, through the experience of a tree, an ant, a rock, a grain of salt. There is no past and future. The eternal now is I AM. The eternal now is I AM as all of reality exists in all dimensions simultaneously. Separation, is the opportunity to experientially know each piece through this dimension of time and space (which ultimately, is not real from the greater perspective).

What does this gain you might ask?

The opportunity to explore creatively for this individual, yet NOT separate aspect of I AM, offers itself to know itself experientially and understand its true nature as the One and only unconditional loving I AM through each aspect of itself.

How can this not blow your mind at how incredible we are as our true nature as Love?

Just watched the 'Ten Commandments' the other night on ABC, and in every major religion, I AM, that I AM, is the reference to God itself.

There is only I AM. We are all......I AM.

More Angelic Tunes

Another favorite Angelic tune from Iasos. Very relaxing and wonderful for meditating.

Enjoy

Here's the link-Iasos-Throne Realms

Much Love

Solipsism vs. Non-Duality

Ok, it's time to talk about it. I had this discussion tonight with some people I'm friendly with on a spiritual internet forum which I am a regular. It's come to my attention that there are a vast number of people who are misinterpreting their own experience as 'enlightenment' when in reality, they are merely experiencing solipsism which is an incredibly dangerous path to enter. Let me explain.

Take your experience right now. Take your pointer finger and point it back towards you. Now, turn your attention 360 degrees back on to yourself and try to find yourself. Where are you? Who are you?  What do you experience? What happens? Can you find yourself? When I do this, I only find existence itself. I am THAT as the book titled by Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj. I am not merely a person, but I am Awareness itself. I am 'All That Is'. Try the exercise.

So, in my experience of non-duality, there is no separation between any of the objects in my experience, because they are all objects appearing within consciousness, and how are my experiencing those objects? Through my human sense perception. There is only Consciousness itself and nothing else. The only experience I can possibly say of the universe, through this human vehicle, is through my human sense perception. There is no experience of any world, outside of my human perception. However, the problem arises when we claim that there is no world, period, outside of our human perception. This is far different than claiming that there is no experience of any universe. This is popular in western philosophy and Direct Path teachings. They take the direct experience of our human perception and label it as 'all there is', not realizing that human sense perception is incredibly limited. It's delusion and insanity.

Before we go further, let's stop and think for a second. If energy is the substance of the universe, then everything is energy from the smallest level of subatomic particles to the largest objects in planets and the universe itself. Therefore, everything within the universe can be said to be 'conscious' on some level because energy is expressing itself through/as every possible avenue of physical and non physical existence. Ultimately, from the grand perspective of life, there is only unconditional love, because everything on every level merely is allowed to Be it's own unique expression as it is. The expression through a human vehicle is of no more value to Source as the expression through a bacterium. Yet, the experience of a tree of course differs than the experience of a human being, while the experience of a cell or a bacterium differs from that of a dog. But, regardless, they are all conscious. So, if you consider that everything is energy, then in reality, there really is no external objective world because, what we call the universe is merely comprised of gazillions and gazillions and gazillions of co-creative perspectives of every living and non living thing. The entire universe is a co-creation of conscious energy, perceiving itself in various forms. It's only our narcissistic belief that human consciousness is the only avenue of expression. Basically, the center of the universe is anywhere and everywhere, because everywhere and anywhere, is always the center of existence since everything is connected to the same One Source that you and I are. When a tree falls and no one is there to hear it, does it make a sound? Of course! The trees, the particles that make up the trees, the ground, the wind, the sky are all there to experience it.

So, back to the topic at hand. Going back to your direct experience. There is no separation between anything in my direct experience. It's just one seamless whole Conscious experience. There is merely Being itself. It is only our thoughts that separate each object into distinct separate Beings, because we take the viewpoint of the body/mind vehicle in time/space. However, that is an illusion because reality is merely whole and complete prior to our minds stepping in and dividing reality up into separate parts. Yet, with that said, just because everything is one conscious experience, does not mean that the objects that appear within this conscious experience are not also experiencing. Granted, they are experiencing within the same consciousness that I am experiencing.

Think of it like a chessboard. Consciousness is the chessboard and each piece is a different expression within the same one chessboard. A pawn is a different unique experience than that of a King and a Queen is a different unique experience than that of a bishop. (I love chess, if you haven't noticed already).

So, it's the same in reality, in my direct experience, there is Being itself. Being, expressing itself through this human vehicle, while Being also expressing itself through the particles in the laptop I am typing on and Being expressing itself through the plants outside and the trees and the water. Being=Energy.

The solipsism crowd, does not take into account the experience of anything other than this very human expression. Therefore, they believe that a tree itself, only exists as human sense perception as do any and all other objects. Therefore, they claim that nothing actually exists because all of what we call 'objects' are really just made up of our sense perception. Of course, they don't realize that they are invalidating the very experience of a tree or a bird or anything by claiming it as an anthropomorphic human sense perception. They figure, if it's not in our direct human perception, it can't be said to exist. Again, it's delusion and insanity. Many of these people use this nihilistic insane path as a means of escaping their own unhappy realities. Yet, ironically, some claim it as enlightenment.

I hope I've explained the difference between solipsism and non-duality in my own interpretation.

Love to all

Dating

I thought I'd write a blog post on this as I read an interesting article today from the worst website on the planet (elite daily). Ok, ok, not the worst website in reality, but they usually have stuff pertaining to 'how to please your man', and 'what I need to do with my life to be happy' etc. Yeah, ok, well maybe I can learn a few tips on pleasing my man...but, what's your point?

Anyway, the article was about a guy who stopped dating because he was fed up with the dating scene. The one part of the article I resonated with, was his perception of dating as 'a game'. It doesn't have to be, but it can be perceived that way in the modern urban dating culture. I understand his perception of it because I've been there too in the past when I was younger. You can start to become bitter when it seems like you can never win in the dating game. However, when I finally stopped 'dating' in the traditional sense, I started meeting and relating to people in a whole different context.

Dating used to seem like a game to me, that I often attained the prize and other times did not. I realized that dating was not merely just a game in my perception of it, but merely a form of manipulation of trying to get people to like each other, by putting on an act early on in the dating process to hide who we truly are. I couldn't possibly allow her to see my vulnerabilities early on. Much of what I've seen from not only my own experiences, but others as well is this:

Gee, I hope I don't fuck this up. Ok, I have to make sure I pay for her at the end of the date or she'll think I'm cheap. Should I kiss him at the end of the first date or not? How long should I wait to call her?.Basically, every choice built around...fear. Another game of the Ego. Fear is what dictates much of the dating culture today. Finally, I realized that I no longer cared about what the modern dating culture had to offer, in the traditional sense, because it no longer served me, where I was in my life. It seemed antiquated and built off of that low vibration of fear. Much of modern day dating is indeed, an incredibly low vibration centered around fear I've realized. We've stopped focusing on relating and instead gotten so caught up with how we will be perceived by each other. I stopped doing it and started meeting wonderful people I aligned more with including the girl I previously went out with and also people who also viewed relationships from the perspective that I did. People who were not afraid of Being who they truly are on a first meeting. Which means throwing all dating rules out the window. Stop worrying about how they perceive you and start noticing how you relate to these other people.....from love? or from fear?

My point is that, dating is still going to be dating, especially in large urban areas where you find much of the 'sex and the city' type of dating game dogma. But, that's not the only option of finding a companion. You don't have to go around being bitter and angry and complaining that women/men all suck and that you'll never meet anyone. You don't have to believe in the hype that the media incessantly throws our way. It's not true. It's only true for you, in your own limited perception of what dating is because you're conditioned to believe that meeting people can only happen if I date in the traditional sense of dating rules. If you believe that all women will only go out with you if you adhere to a strict set of dating rules, then that will be true for you and likely, you will only attract a certain type of person. Like attracts like. Your deepest beliefs will manifest most certainly in every experience of yours. Open yourself up to a larger perspective on life, a larger pool of people from all walks of life, a perspective built around love and what relating actually means from a deep, deep sense of self, and you'll start to realize that there is an incredible world of wonderfully amazing women/men out there that you never realized existed because you were so caught up in the dating game.

Lucid Dreaming

I'd like to share my experience with lucid dreaming and how close I am to having an actual OBE.

I haven't been sleeping great of late. I've been lucid dreaming a lot more so over the past 6-7 months. Early morning hours (usually 4-5AM), when I'm between awake and sleep states, sleep paralysis grips my body. Mind you, I've had night terrors since I was a little kid. When you have sleep paralysis, there is actual REAL fear that there is something/someone in the room with you because it's all so incredible REAL. So, when my body is gripped by this paralysis as I'm half asleep, it's horrifying, but then, there is an intense buzzing occurring in my ear. I know at this point, that I'm on the verge of having an OBE. I'm so excited that I'm subconsciously saying "I'm finally going to leave my body!".

The other night this happened to me....again. I went deeper and deeper with the buzzing and finally, I was flying. However, my physical body was asleep on my bed in my apartment, yet I was flying in my parents apartment in their bedroom and I knew so damn well what I was doing, that my intent was strictly on making myself fly and I did just that. While flying, there's no description possible to explain how free I am. I'm flying! I'm flying! That's all I can think about at the time. I fly from room to room. But, I never left my body this time. It was just a lucid dream, which is the stage prior to actually leaving your body. When you wake up and realize that you were dreaming.....it feels really weird. I've had these experience since I was a kid and never realized that I've been lucid dreaming for years now. Not often, but every once in a while.

I've decided that I want to devote some practice to learning how to leave my body at will. I'm studying by learning about techniques used by some of the teachers at the Monroe Institute.

I've posted about this stuff before, but the more and more I experience it, the more I realize how close I am to actually exploring the astral realms. Remember, that other dimensions are only closed off to us, if we don't allow that area to be explored. I believe fear is preventing me from relaxing enough to take it from a lucid dream to the next stage of leaving my body outside of that one OBE that I had recently.

I will post my experiences here as new developments occur.

Much Love to all.

Angelic Music

One of my favorite Angelic tunes. I heard about this beautiful tune from 'After Life TV' with Bob Olsen in his interview with Dr. Lani Leary as she described this song as eerily similar to what she heard in her own NDE.

So, it relaxes and moves me and hopefully it will for you too. So enjoy. Here's the link below:

The Angels of Comfort

Surrender

Peace and tranquility so deep so serene, so much Love

Every sensation

Every feeling

Every emotion

All occurring within the eternal Now 

You can't access it through thought

You can't access it through logic

You can only Be it as you are right Now

Through every short breath of anxiety

There is resistance to 'what is'

Through every moment of unease,

There is resistance to this precious moment of Isness

This Isness is I and you and all of us

There is only Presence 

There is only Love

There is only Now

Surrender is the great realization of I AM

It's the great realization of the masks we all wear

Which hide the Love we all are

Surrender I will to THIS

Surrender I will to All that I AM
Surrender I will to All that IS

Surrender I will to this beautiful Universe of Separation

A Not so Distant Winter's Dream

Little Darling, it's been a long cold lonely winter
Little Darling, it feels like years since it's been here
Here comes the sun, here comes the sun
and I say, it's all right

-The Beatles (of course)

My favorite time of year when the ice starts to melt, the thawing begins and the temperatures start to moderate somewhat, the days start to get longer and eventually life starts to form with the buds forming. Late February into March is a lot of fun and a beautiful time of year. Today, we had a touch of Spring, but looks like one more week of Antarctica like weather before the temperatures start to moderate in March.

This is a time of progression for me as well as I ascend into higher vibrations of Being through the energy work I am beginning. Grounding Meditation, mindfulness meditation, Energy healing (Healing codes, reiki and looking into integrative energy therapies-IET) are all part of my life right now as I look to bring my body back into balance and then I'd like to take the next step and help others to raise their own energy vibrations through a holistic healing practice of my own. But, baby steps for now.

Gratitude

Just parted ways with my girlfriend this week. I am a little sad still as I reminisce about the experience as it seemed to fly by so quickly, but incredibly grateful for the opportunity to partake in a human romantic relationship and feeling incredibly fulfilled for the time spent with another. It was only 5 and a half months, but it's about quality, rather than quantity. I've been thinking recently that relationships don't necessarily need to last for any particular length of time, until two people feel they no longer align with each other, whether that is a week or a lifetime. For me, the important thing to take out of this, is my own feelings right now and to make sure not to suppress them. It's an incredible experience.

 I don't feel that I want to pursue another relationship just yet as I would like to take some time to take in what I just experienced and savor it and grow. However, I love myself and give myself a lot credit for embarking down a path that I previously was very uncomfortable and the result was that it was incredibly rewarding. I was able to see some loving aspects of myself and also some fearful aspects of myself. Both were illuminated within the relationship. But, I realize that I have emotional energy work to still do and will continue to open myself up to life in different capacities, as I have in the relationship area and continue to explore further.

On a side note, I had an out of body experience (OBE)  a couple of nights ago and I flew. It was pretty wild. Last night, almost happened again. I flew to my bathroom. My goodness, it was surreal. However, I tried to put my foot down, and I felt myself thud back into my bed. The buzzing feeling that led up to it, that encompassed my entire body from head to toe was energy flowing through my body. Lucid dreams and OBE's are absolutely incredible.

Anyway, feeling incredible love right now for this human experience and the gratitude I feel for the ups and downs that come along with it, that could only be experienced while here in these incredible physical bodies.

Much love to all for now

I am not just my thoughts

The incredible, profound, Loving realization that I am not merely my thoughts. Hit me again tonight.

I've been stressing over new job starting, lack of sleep from construction noise on the street. While all of these are evident in my life, my suffering from it, has stemmed from the belief in what each thought says about it.

I worry about everything in life. I've been a chronic worrier since I was a kid. Just ask my parents.

All of my suffering caused by the identification and belief that my thoughts were true. That who I was, was defined by my thinking patterns.

Yet, I am the witness of my thoughts and yet, I am also my thoughts.

I am whatever I perceive myself to be. If I want to induce suffering, I am only my thoughts.

If I want to awaken to the wider perspective of Love, then my thoughts don't merely define me.

Of course this is only the tip of the iceberg.

Creating Change

A wonderful link from one of my favorite authors Neale Donald Walsch. I hope it resonates with you like it has with me as some friends of mine posted this yesterday.

The Little Soul and the Sun

Meaning, there is nothing bad that every truly happens in reality (outside of our beliefs that claim the opposite). Life is just an opportunity to explore and experience our nature through contrast.

I'm finishing Anita Moorjani's book 'Dying To Be Me' and it's a really great read and it made me think about how much is lost within our limited perspective in everyday life. How much we take for granted within our Loving experience. How we tend to be so caught up with our thoughts. Here's a wonderful excerpt from Anita's book on her new found look at life after returning from her NDE.

"Everything and everyone appeared beautiful, and there was magic and wonder in furniture, for example which had been with us for many years without seeming special in any way. After returning home, I saw beauty in the woodwork that I'd never noticed before, and I was able to sense the labor that went into the construction. I felt wonder at being able to operate my car again. I was in awe of the ability to coordinate my hands, eyes, and legs to drive through the streets. I was amazed by the human body and life itself."

Take a grain of sand. How often do we appreciate the incredible artwork of design that is....that grain of sand? Or a piece of wood as Anita describes above, and how the wood itself stems from another incredible expression of Being (a Tree) or the human body. The incredible depth of the largest human organ, the integumentary system (skin) and how there are gazillions of particles and cells that make up merely just a small fragment of skin alone, not counting all of the blood vessels that connect together to work synergistically in maintaining function of that area of the body and of the course the underlying organs of the human body which also work symbiotically to maintain homeostasis. Take anything in your experience and examine it closely. There's beauty at every level in the realization how there are multiple layers upon layers, upon layers at every level of existence intertwining with other layers all connected together in the web of Oneness to create what we now experience. It's only when we open up our perspective and are able to look at life through the wider lens where we can grasp more of the nuances/intricate details that occur in everyday life beyond merely just what our human senses can see in any moment.

And beyond our thoughts/feelings/emotions/beliefs about anything/everything, at the core, at every atomic and subatomic level and beyond, there is merely Being itself always there and only there. Nothing but Pure Love itself as unconditional as can be.

If you want to create/manifest change in the world, you don't need to go anywhere outside of yourself, but merely look inside of yourself and watch your reactions in re-lation to others. Your daily interactions with others are your tools to remember who you are and start making changes energetically by how you view and re-late to other people/things. Trying to save the world from the outside (physically) is good intention, but missing the point that all begins and ends energetically. Those who you view as your enemy are there for a purpose, so that you can see yourself in re-lation to them and remember who you truly are as your nature as it relates back to my last post below. When you remember who you are as your nature, you start to make the changes in the world from an energetic level from a place of Love. Change on the outside can only begin by change on the inside.

Your nature is Pure Awareness/Pure Unconditional Loving Being Consciousness which you can see by observing your thoughts/beliefs/emotions and making space for all of it to Be there. That space is you. Mindfulness is a wonderful practice. The more you realize that you are not merely just your thoughts, the more space you can create for your thoughts, the more Love you can see within your experience and the more intricate details you start to notice about anything and everything, outside of the limited lens of the human perspective. Widen those lens by being who you truly are....as Being itself.

Love is all there is

The Expansion of the Human Perspective

Awakening is not an event, nor is it something that changes you. 

Awakening is not the dissolution of the ego, which would be impossible while experiencing through a human vehicle.

Awakening IS the expansion of the human perspective. The human perspective is merely BEING, itself, expressing itself as a human. Therefore, the ego is not a static, separate entity that exists. It's merely YOU, believing yourself to only be a body/mind and therefore taking on the beliefs/thoughts of that body/mind.  

Awakening is the realization that all of the things you never knew existed, seem to come into your own awareness. Granted, nothing changed, and awareness is not YOUR awareness. The world was always there exactly as it is. It was merely a matter of your willingness to see it. The more you expand and open up and allow in your experience, the more you see that separation was the ultimate illusion. The more you see that, that, which seems different than you, is not really different, outside of the thoughts/beliefs which claim so.

Everyone wants to rid themselves of Ego. Newsflash. Ego is not something you can rid yourself of. Ego merely means "limited perspective". Therefore dissolving the Ego merely means expanding your perspective. Expand your perspective by taking notice of your reactions to life, especially in your interactions with other people. Are you reacting from Love? Are you reacting from fear? If you feel threatened by a certain situation, person, topic, it could be that you are holding unconsciously to a belief. The only way to see through the belief is to make it known by the light of your Awareness. To lovingly embrace it as you embrace your fears in the same way.   

 Being is already being itself in every drop of matter from the smallest particle to larger organisms and beyond. So, separation is only a temporary appearance while experiencing through the human vehicle. 

Awakening is the realization that your perspective is only your perspective and holds no more weight than my perspective or my neighbor's perspective. We're all co-equals. We're all just BEING itself floundering around in these human expressions trying to be perfect, when perfection is already our nature, which is why we chose humanness to experience what it's like NOT to be perfect and finding the perfection within the seeming imperfection, of not only our own perspectives, but other people's perspectives. 

Stop fighting so much with your neighbor and understand that we're all the same one Consciousness. Understand that my perspective is limited just like yours. Understand that my life conditions and experiences have led me to perceive the world in the way I do, just like your experiences have done for you. Understand that I, like you, don't have all of the answers to the Cosmic jigsaw puzzle while experiencing through this human vehicle. Meaning, experiencing from this limited vehicle of humanness, I can't see the greater perspective of totality, nor can I understand why things happen the way they do, other than through the manifestation of cause and effect that we all operate under, and neither can you. Embracing your neighbor/enemy/friend/co-worker's perspective, even if you vehemently disagree, means you're on the first step to shedding the layers of limitation of what we call.....the Ego.

It's like having a bias towards a particular actor for your whole life and refusing to see a certain movie because that actor stars in it. Until one day, you are forced to see that movie and you realize what an incredible film it actually is. Yet, all of this time, you limited yourself from seeing it because of your biased beliefs about a particular actor. This is awakening. this is 'dissolving' the ego. There is nothing separate that is actually dissolving. It's just YOU, willingly embracing that which has always been there (the actor and the movie) and allowing that 'different perspective' to finally be lovingly embraced by you.

It's not about getting rid of likes/dislikes and becoming robots. It's simply about opening up to embrace that which we used to fear.

You hate someone from another race/religion/political orientation? Fine. Try spending some time with a person from another race/religion/political orientation and watch your own reactions to these people. Is it them that causes the reactions in YOU, or is it merely you, yourself that has the problem based on a preconceived notion you had about these people?

Can you embrace the fact that a black/white person other than their skin color and their life experiences is absolutely no different than you, yourself outside of the belief that claims as such?

Can you embrace the fact that a democrat or republican other than their life experiences is really no different than you, outside of the belief that claims how things should/should not be?

Same with religion. You hate a particular religion? Ok, can you embrace the fact that even for the most radical of religious fundamentalists, that just PERHAPS, they, in their humanness have misinterpreted their own teachings into what they possibly believed it to be, just like other religions have done with the bible?

When you come to see that everyone's experiences shape their own perceptions and perspectives, you come to see that there really is nothing actually separate than you, other than your own interpretations of others. You don't have to AGREE with another perspective. But, embracing it in your own capacity, in your own Awareness, breaks down the walls of the ego and you come to see that separation seems more and more of an illusion. There's only Awareness. Not MY Awareness. Not YOUR Awareness. Merely....Awareness. And within that Awareness, each of us will perceive the world the way our beliefs shape us.

That's all for now.

Much love to all

Expansion/Contraction

The Universe is set up in a way where life and death are constants from every level of being in fractal patterns as within, as without, as above, so below. Expansion followed by Contraction.

Stars are born, stars are destroyed. Planets are born. Planets are destroyed. Galaxies are born. Galaxies are destroyed. Going fractally smaller....Humans are born. Humans die. Cells are born. Cells die. Particles are born. Particles are destroyed. Virus/Bacteria are born and as well are destroyed. Animals are born. Animals die. Plants are born. Plants die. Look in Nature and you will see this same pattern at every level of existence and it follows with seasons as well. Spring is a time of birth and Summer a time of life and expansion, while Autumn is a time of contraction and Winter a time of death (such as the bare trees).

This pattern of life and death is happening at an even greater scale. The Big Bang is how the universe expanded initially and will eventually collapse in the far future and then will re-expand and once again contract in an ongoing cycle for however long it should go on. (Roger Penrose's theory). Expansion/Contraction again. 

Consider the idea that Source Awareness designed the Universe with these patterns in mind, so that all experiences are temporary. All experiences will come and all will eventually leave. That's the whole point. Nothing is meant to last. Everything is temporary including the vehicle you are renting (your body) for this journey on the physical plane. Just like a dream seems ever so real while it's happening, until we awaken and see that it was just a dream. 

Therefore, life and death are an inherent, integral part to our existence on this physical plane of Being. Life is expansion and death is contraction. Opening up to life is expansion and fear is contraction. 

The only constant is your existence as Being itself. Existence itself. Love itself. Every experience comes and every experience goes. The buddhist notion of impermanence is right in line with this. 

Therefore, the illusion that we must cling and hold on to life is merely going against the nature of the Universe as it is and going against your own nature as Being. It's the illusion that we are separate Beings in a Universe of competition which leads to the fear of clinging to experiences. 

Next post will be on the illusion of separation and thought. Too late now. Too cold here in NY. 

Much love to all.