I've felt lost lately. I've had sleep anxiety. There's just been a lot of confusion in my life over the past couple of weeks energetically which has reached its peak today, with no cause at all seemingly and yet many causes seemingly. I've been trying and trying and trying to find my way home and out of this internal struggle in my mind and the more I try, the more lost I am inside of my mind. The deeper into despair and anxiety I feel. Where am I going? What am I doing here? How am I going to heal this? How can everything be ok when I feel this way? Which is the right path? There are too many options to choose from. How will I get by? I've been trying so hard to connect with my higher self that I forgot that....in the trying and trying and trying to find the answers and connect to the higher ME, I've been actually counterproductive to what I truly am because the more you try, the more you resist the Eternal Now. Accepting my feelings of despair, confusion and being lost and allowing them to be as they are tonight, has allowed me to find love and peace now in these transient energy forms of feelings and emotions. I still feel sad and lonely tonight as a result of my anxiety of late, but it's ok that I do now which has such a different context than adding that additional layer of 'why, why why'.
My feelings have dictated to me that something has been off in my life for a while now and I've taken notice to that and become aware that something has not felt right, but have not been able to accept those feelings because I've been looking within my mind for answers to them and when you do that, you go further and further down the rabbit hole. The mind can be an incredibly effective tool. Yet, sometimes, it's so much easier to simply sit back, relax and accept the present moment as it is. Meaning, no matter how you feel and no matter how difficult life seems, no matter what emotions arise, no matter what physical sensations arise, you are not merely that. You are the Eternal Now, the higher Self, all the Selves in which all of this arises and while the story that I believe myself to be can be harmed and can be hurt and can make me break down, that which I truly am (Now) can never be harmed because I am not the story of my mind.
All is always OK, until I believe that it is not. And I'll be lost again at some point, but just like meditation, you bring yourself back to the present moment.
With Love always
