The Insecure Ego identity Part One

The Ego can be defined in a number of different ways. This blog piece and the follow up, will be focused on the insecure ego, which is what I have experienced through most of my life. So, this is more of an open sharing of my own experiences and what I have learned on my own (thus far), and through my research with the nervous system. The insecure ego encompasses anyone who grew up feeling 'not good enough OR an extreme sense of superiority'. They are both part of the same mechanism, but merely manifest differently.

My view, for now, on this matter, is as follows and it's only my own perspective once again and there's a lot I still have to learn about this.

Basically, we (I AM) come into this life as a clean slate. We essentially don’t remember anything about our initial true identity as Pure Spirit (I AM), because we purposely choose to have amnesia to block out the memory of our true identity, when we made the choice to incarnate here, in order to have (what feels like) a real, physical experience here. 

The biological survival organism is set up to protect the body from life and death. Hence the survival aspect. The Autonomic Nervous System serves multiple functions. One is survival. The survival aspect consists of the Fight/Flight (Sympathetic) and Freeze (Over Parasympathetic-Dorsal Vagal in regards to the Vagus Nerve), while Ventral Vagal is the social engagement or the calming effect of the Parasympathetic Branch. It is supposed to keep us safe from wild predators and any immediate, imminent threat to the actual safety of our biological mechanism. Literal.....life and death. We could not have a real life physical experience here on Earth without a functioning survival aspect of our nervous systems. In other words, its job is to keep us alive in the virtual reality game. 

So, we come into this life, incarnate into the live fetus, not a clue who we truly are. Just a blank slate of Awareness. We feel we are one with our mothers since we are connected in the womb. It’s the closest feeling of unconditional love we can have, while experiencing in a physical body. Then, our first experience of separation happens. We realize perhaps that we are separate from mom. She is one entity, and I am another, which is quite a shock to our very young, sensitive nervous systems. I AM....this biological body/mind vehicle. My mother is another biological/body mind vehicle. 

Whether this happens in the womb or after birth, it matters not. It’s a shock to us, because we have an inkling of intuition that KNOWS that unconditional love is already our nature, but can't fully grasp this. Love is the essence of our true identity. It's a feeling. We already are....."All That Is". So, anything that feels like "not love" already feels 'off', and I would suggest, this is an intentional by design, aspect of our internal guidance system. 

But, somehow, we can’t remember that and feel separate and alone. And the idea that we are separate seems, well, painful to us. We completely identify ourselves with the biological human body. We "mistakenly" think we ARE this body/mind and ONLY this body/mind. I AM.....becomes......I AM this body. So, our nervous systems which are primed for survival of the body/mind vehicle, already take note of this identification. 

Then, through our experiences with our caregivers as little ones, we realize we are completely vulnerable and dependent on our caregivers to get our needs met. If our needs are met in the fashion closest to unconditional secure love (remember, this is who we really are), we will feel mostly secure.

 If our needs are not met in the ways we needed; or if we were abused; or if we simply PERCEIVED that we were not lovable or good enough, or complete, or/and we could have also inferred subconscious programs in the womb from our mothers (which scientists like Bruce Lipton are now reporting), our identity is then created through the core belief that we are 'incomplete' or 'unworthy'. We take this to be a true core essence of who we are. This leads to massive insecurity (I know from experience). 

Already believing  our identity as "I AM....this body", this identity expands to now take on the new essence of these new core beliefs, such as (incompleteness, unworthiness, not good enough, etc). I AM....incomplete. 

 Our nervous system already priming the I AM for protecting, believing it IS only this body/mind, now puts our amygdala on alert for any perceived threat that reinforces this core belief of 'incompleteness' or 'unworthiness'. Remember, the survival aspect of our nervous system's job is to protect the "identity" of the body/mind vehicle from dying. Literally. Wild predators, an oncoming bus, etc. So it IS doing its job. But, because We (As Pure Spirit) have "mistakenly" identified ourselves AS these body/minds (and this is all intentional from a larger perspective which I will expand on in part two), our nervous systems are now programmed to protect anything associated with "I AM". 

So, it's not only the body/mind that it is protecting from actual physical death, but the newly created identity (the false self, the ego) based on the core beliefs we have taken on. This belief gets reinforced over time as all beliefs do when they are not seen through. We don't question it and believe we ARE it. I AM....Derek and Derek is incomplete. Therefore, anything that might re-enforce the feeling that 'Derek is incomplete' will be looked at as a threat to survival. 

As time goes by, this becomes our new comfort set point which feels painful to change (see Dr. Joe Dispenza's work). Our nervous system builds up this persona, mask, armor to defend us and protect us from anything that could re-enforce these core beliefs, because the core beliefs are thought to be true, and taken to be the core essence of our actual identity as separate people. 

Ultimately, the beliefs are always based in separation, because that's how the identity we created with the body/mind vehicle began. However, they just manifest uniquely for each of us depending on the initial experience where the belief was formed, and our own unique life experiences. So, they are ultimately protecting us from the true vulnerability of our actual nature, from actual trust, from actual love. 

Any attempt to go out of this comfort zone, feels like death to ourselves, because our nervous systems are wired to protect us from (what it believes as).....dying. Most of our core beliefs involve on some level, the belief that we need approval and love outside of ourselves from other people, because we never really understood our true identity when we were babies, and never really had a secure base to claim our identity. Our identity was created through our interaction and attunement again, with our caregivers. So, if we feel unworthy, rejection would feel like death. 

Remember again, the nervous system is just doing its job. Its job, again, is to protect the body mind from death. But, because the essential nature of the body mind has now been "mistakenly" expanded to include "I AM' (in other words, our true Spirit nature), anything associated with "I AM", is going to be protected. And since the core beliefs are taken to actually be our true essence; our true identity, the nervous system is protecting us from feeling the pain of having those initial core beliefs reinforced. It would be inconceivably painful to actually experience....."we are not good enough, unworthy". 

So, the ego mask tries to hold it all together to appear....."secure" when underneath that armor, there is simply an incredibly scared, insecure little child who feels weak, vulnerable and wants to feel loved and safe and secure, longs to feel 'his home nature'. 

We can say that other animals on Earth don't have these core beliefs, because when they experience trauma, they shake it off. Humans on the other hand tend to often shut down around trauma, around painful experiences and split off, to create a false identity to avoid feeling the initial pain. Plus, humans have the capacity to be self aware unlike many other animals. It's an incredibly smart, survival tactic that serves us early in our lives when we have young sensitive nervous systems, but does not serve us later in life, when those same issues continue to re-surface time and time again. Believing this is who we are, we perpetually identify with the thoughts that are coming out of the survival mind. This perpetual identification is how the Ego is formed. More on this in part two.......

*This post has been updated with some new information on the nervous system, from the time I initially wrote it.