What is Vulnerability?

I've been thinking recently. What exactly is vulnerability? My perspective since I started this blog is starting shift a lot from my earlier posts.

I notice within myself that at times, I want to make people like me and in turn, I will at times resort to a tactic of fear, in that I will not open up honestly to that person and instead think about what that person wants to hear. Much more so in the past than the present, but it still happens at times. There could be a plethora of reasons that I want someone to like me. Perhaps, I am trying to attain something from that person, whether it be security, a temporary feeling of 'being wanted' or a distraction to something else going on in my life that I don't want to face and in turn, desperate to gain the love from another. One of the reasons energetically that I became physically sick in the first place.

Yet, vulnerability allows me to be scared. It allows my fears to fully surface and be there for everyone to see. No insurance, no security, just me, flaws and all for the world to see. But, it's honesty that's so important in our re-lating to one another. Fear is ok too of course. But, fear truly does restrict and contract consciousness if projected outward. I find with myself, when I am authentic to another person, it means that I am willing to risk having that person run away from me after learning more about me, my past and all, just to Be as I am to that person. Where are my intentions? With love, they are to fully express me, as I already am. With fear, they are to make that person like me. What's the choice going to be? Honesty is the highest form of love. My chakras open the more expressive I am through honesty.

I've been a control freak for too much of my life. I went to an 'out of body experience' seminar tonight in Manhattan and the man leading it told me that the problem holding me back from self induced astral projection is that I am trying too much to control. (Shocker). It's funny because I found that astral projection has been a form of learning for me to understand my fears more so. It's taught me already the true meaning of 'letting go'. You can't go out of your body unless you let go. You can't sleep at night, unless you let go. You can't align with your nature, unless you let go. How do you let go? Surrender.

With Love