My Meditation

I've had some stress on and off over the past few months over noise in my apartment. My downstairs neighbor's TV is heard at random times in my living room. I live on the top floor of a six story apartment building. The walls are shit here, which means I can hear my down stairs neighbor when he coughs and he can hear me when I fart. While it does not keep me up at night (his TV that is), I find it irritating that I have to listen to his TV in my living room. When I'm sitting in my living room trying to meditate, or relax, it's very distracting to have to listen to the rumblings and mumbling of his TV. Part of the problem I find is the acoustics of the apartment are terrible. So, I don't know what can actually be done other than putting my AC for now and blocking it out.

So, I decided to go outside. It's a beautiful evening. Gorgeous sunset outside and there is quite a lovely breeze and some humidity. Very summery feel to the evening. I sense tension in my abdomen at the thought of having to go back upstairs to my apartment and listen to my neighbor's TV.

I sit on the park bench and face traffic intentionally to put myself in a more vulnerable position. I close my eyes. Everything hits me. Fear. My eyes are shaking as I sit and feel cars go by watching me and possibly questioning why there is a guy sitting on a bench with his eyes closed. I feel people around me possibly making fun. My eyes still stay shut and feel this in my body and simply allow those thoughts to be. The thoughts come a plenty, the feelings of worry, self conscious, and fear arise, the mind wanting to open the eyes to 'appear normal' comes through as a thought and a feeling of tension. My eyes remain shut and I continue to watch and feel and simply allow all that is to arise. This only takes 5-10 minutes. What an incredible experience, when I don't give in to those feelings! I felt much more freer and comfortable after this meditation and will do this again tomorrow.

The hard part of meditation for me is not giving in to the mind's demands to want to 'stop'. There are a gazillion reasons to listen to a thought....any thought...those reasons....are made out of thought....but only one reason to continue to meditate and that reason has no thought behind it.