The title of this post is kind of lame as I could not think of anything better to label it. My entire perspective has shifted so drastically since I first started this blog. I actually went back and deleted some of my older posts because they just no longer resonated with me on any level.
So much has been happening in my life since the last time I posted here. I've had a very difficult winter dealing with chronic fatigue and other health issues and it's been very stressful for me in trying to come to terms with all of this, understand the meaning behind it, understand how to address it, and understand how to incorporate it into my life going forward.
Interestingly, the past couple of weeks I have been dealing with passing a kidney stone. I had an 8-10 mm stone that was trapped in my ureter. It was THE......and let me repeat that THE most intense, worst, god awful pain I have EVER experienced in my life. I thought I might be dying. I was alone in my apartment. It was a Sunday night. My parents were on vacation on a cruise. I had to call 911 which I've never done before.
Earlier that day, I was walking around a hardware store and my chronic fatigue came back and started stressing me out again. Later that night, I was in the ER, doped on pain meds and I didn't give a flying fuck whether or not I was going to be able to work the next week nor did I give a flying fuck about my chronic fatigue. It was like the kidney stone attack provided me with a temporary reprieve from obsessing over my other health symptoms (pain meds helped). The next few days, I granted myself permission to lie in bed on pain meds and just watch TV. I took off the whole week from work (I had no choice being in such intense pain and doped up on pain meds) and it's interesting. When you finally give yourself permission to let go, surrender and accept the position you are in, everything else falls away.
Ever get really sick with a flu or bad cold? All you can do is rest and just let go. You don't obsess over being sick, because you know that it will pass. I knew this too with the kidney stone. Perhaps the pain meds helped a bit too, but it was a really cool process for me to just allow myself to simply let go. Letting go is the first step towards acceptance of anything in life.
Now while I am still trying to pass the small remnants of the stone, I am no longer in that "surrender mode" and I am again focused on my health going forward and I feel some stress creeping up again. It's almost like the pressure was off of me for about a week and now pressure creeps back in. Pressure has been the focal point of my life since I was a child and it stems from many many sources.
I have MUCH more to write about in regards to neuroplasticity, epi genetics and consciousness in the near future, so stay tuned......
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